Hubert & Smith's Poetry Corner 7 – a Detective Tomato special
London is Funny bloggers Andrea Hubert and Daniel Smith are back! Except this week, instead of a poetry swap, they set each other titles for a noir-ish short story on the prickly Detective Angry Tomato ...
Detective Angry Tomato and the Case of the Disemboweled Raggedy Anne Doll (by Andrea)
“Christ,” he said, reddening imperceptibly as he viewed the small arm on the floor. "It's like Chicago all over again." He prodded the regurgitated cloud that spurted from the ripped joint with the tip of his brogue. A button lay in the corner, winking. "What do you think?" asked Detective Beverley Beverley. "What do I think?" he replied brusquely, ignoring the judgmental glare of her eye. “I think someone got called a dickless ragdoll one too many times. And I think someone knocked the stuffing out of her. Beverley, find Raggedy Andy. I want to talk to that sonofabitch.”
Detective Angry Tomato and the Case of the Phantom Fruit Puncher (by Daniel)
“If there’s one thing I hate, it’s fruit.” He growled, as he hunched, glaring furiously at the inverted head. Trace juice suggesting another Fruit Puncher victim. Punched dead. Pith out.
"But aren’t you fruit, Tom?" Detective Beverley Beverley puzzled, unable to see his newly acquired partner’s blood surging like ketchup in a Friday night kebab shop.
"If there's one thing I hate more than fruit,” he barked violently, his moustache nearly bursting into flames atop his searing crimson skin, ”it’s being called ‘fruit’. And if there’s one thing I hate more than fruit and being called fruit, it's being called Tom."
Hubert & Smith's Poetry Corner will return in two weeks