The LiF Comedians' Guide to London ventures north of the river to Brent, where top teenage stand-up Ahir Shah is waiting to show us round his manor.

Ah, Brent. This borough has been my home my whole life, and shows no signs of releasing its vice-like grip until next year when I can finally fuck off to university.

There is basically no comedy to be found in my part of Brent, unless your idea of hilarity is knife crime and diabetes. So it may be a strange place to write about for London is Funny. However, in its own way, it is a charming little heaven on earth.

Brent has undergone considerable gentrification in recent years, with many fried chicken shops now offering Diet Coke (the "continental option") in addition to their usual range of soft drinks.

Schools in the borough range from the pretty-good-for-a-state-school-in-Brent, to the alright-for-a-state-school-in-Brent, to the oh-my-God-you're-actually-going-to-die. Drugs are a problem for young people in Brent, as, though demand is constant, supply in some areas is woefully lacking.

Kilburn > Kensington

White visitors should take care to know that, in Brent, many citizens will view them as colonialist oppressors, or will at the least be slightly cautious around their jewellery (you thought we were scary, but we're like spiders really – we're the more afraid...).

Women should be aware that handbags should be worn on the right shoulder (or clutched in the right hand of your assailant) and men should know that wearing a cardigan means the general population will view you as a homosexual.

The very model of a multicultural society, Brent is packed to the brim with immigrants and asylum seekers. We are just two paedophiles away from being the embodiment of a Daily Mail reader's worst nightmare, and for that, if nothing else, I love it.

Give me Kilburn over Kensington any day.

(By the way, if you're ever going to Kilburn, you should probably know that the underground station is situated on Shoot-Up Hill. Genuinely.)