Hubert & Smith's Poetry Corner 6 – twisted animals and Marti Pellow

Friday, June 15 2012

London is Funny's new bloggers, stand-up Andrea Hubert and writer Daniel Smith, are back! Each fortnight, Daniel and Andrea set each other the task of writing a poem on a particular title.

And here's instalment 6, featuring twisted animals and Marti Pellow

Andrea Hubert and Dan Smith

Moose With A Shotgun
Title set by Smith, poem written by Hubert

Pigeon drinking hot rum,
Seagull shitting on a crazy guy,
Bottle fly flying with a lazy eye,
Zebra with chronic OCD,
Sloth drunkenly hugging a tree,
Red setter dissecting a mouse,
Cocker spaniel licking a woodlouse,
Slug tripping into a barrel of salt,
(The jury returns “Suicide by default”),
Snow leopard with a backpack,
Honey badger with a cracked sack,
Nostalgic spider eats curds and whey,
Bipolar polar bear eats turds and hay,
Shy scorpion with a bow and arrow,
Bitchy ant sewing a bluetit to a sparrow,
Selfish ladybird with a secret family,
Deluded hamster who thinks he’s Stan Lee,
Ageing deer with an Asbo,
Homeless bat drinking Strongbow,
Fistless woodpecker “beaking” a wren,
“It’ll be over soon, just count to ten.
It’ll all be over when the fat bird sings,”
Don’t animals just do the darndest things?


Is That Man Yawning Or Screaming in the Back of That Range Rover?
Title set by Hubert, poem written by Smith

I could turn my music down to check if he bellows
But I'm listening to a chronological mixtape of the career of Marti Pellow,
And it's just got to the song before he got hooked on smack,
So I'll have to solve this mystery with just my eyes and a Wet Wet Wet soundtrack.

First, I'll survey the scene, are his hands together in prayer?
Is that a matching bracelet set or is he handcuffed in there?
Did he look panicked when he was wheeled from that nursing home?
If I keep staring I can maybe blame Asperger's syndrome.

"Sorry, mate," I'll say if he comes over and starts to get tetchy
"My ability to read faces is, at best, a little sketchy,
And I couldn't quite tell if you were in pain or just quite tired."
But, that abstract chat's now needless, because the gun to his head's just been fired.

Hubert & Smith's Poetry Corner will return in two weeks


You need to log in before you can comment.

immediately with Facebook Connect

Or register and log in with your LiF username and password.

Cardinal Burns bring debut tour to London

Carey Marx – 12 unexpected consequences of a heart attack

"Your best friend is a beeping machine. You call it Anthony."

John Gordillo – how I write comedy

"I agree with the truism: there are no hack subjects"

Here's how a comedy fundraiser at the Store looks

"'Aid Fundraiser' shows have raised an amazing £250,000 so far for charities"

The week in comedy – feat. Stewart Lee, Jack Dee, Glenn Wool

"Also including 99 Club, Gits and Shiggles, Tom Stade …"

Tim Key, Single White Slut – review

Daniel Kitson, Analog.Ue – review

The week in comedy – feat. Simon Amstell, Rhys Darby, Henry Paker

"Also including 99 Club, Gits and Shiggles, Tom Stade …"