The Spotlight on... David Trent
George Clooney look-a-like and kitchen dab hand David Trent is spoken of rather highly by his peers on the comedy circuit. But what about in his own words? Hmmm? Let's find out.
Name: David Trent
Where do you live?: I live in a semi-detatched house in Cambridge.
How long have you been gigging?: Three years and two months. Jesus.
What do you do?: Drive to London, arrive at the gig, text a pal to say "there are literally two people here / there is a man shouting "YOUAREISAGAYS" at another man / I am going to die," go inside the venue, ask for a pint of tap water, feel angry that they put ice in the tap water, watch the other comedians, text the same pal with all the punchlines and then the word "BRILLIANT" after them, (seriously, if you see me texting during your set, I am definitely doing this) then I go onstage and dither for so long that I turn the audience against me and then I try to win them back. I always win, apart from the times when I don't.
Who makes you laugh?: Theo Pathetis, Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall – his programme on Strawberries was genius, Gregg Wallace & Raymond Blanc – both of these all-too frequently ask contestants on their reality-based cookery programmes to "show me what you would be doing if I was coming in your restaurant right now", and that is funny to me because "coming" can also mean "to achieve orgasm".
At which London venues do you usually appear?: I usually appear at the venues who I have phoned up or texted or emailed and said "can I have a gig at your venue please?" and they've been foolish enough to say "yes". Usual venues are for comedians who are good. And reliable. I am only one of these things.
What is your favourite London venue?: It's not a venue. I like a room in Kensington called the Builders Arms. That's where Setup... Punchline runs. I LOVE SETUP... PUNCHLINE. If it wasn't for Setup... Punchline I would never ever do any new material.
Name an over-rated and an under-rated comedian: Go fuck yourself.
What are you/should you be famous for?: I should be famous for making very good hummous and greek salad subs and my chocolate brownie.
Which celebrity do you look like?: George Clooney.
Whose sex face would you least like to see?: Obviously Ann Widdecombe springs to mind as she is not a glamourous woman who has another woman's face painted onto her face and she has made a great deal of fuss about her lack of interest in the act of sex, plus she is a British Conservative politician and therefore would make quite a horrible face (Lib Dems make the nicest sex faces, I would love to watch Nick Clegg at the point of orgasm). However, quite honestly there is no one whose sex face I would not like to see. If I saw ANYONE making a sex face, I would be interested. You would have to have had a LOT more sex than I have to be so blasé that you would watch someone's sex face and just go "meh". Even Ann Widdecombe. It would be erotic.
Audiences love it when I… say things that make them laugh.
Audiences hate it when I… say things that don't make them laugh.
In the absence of any YouTube footage of David doing comedy, here's his son HURR-ing along to Line Up by Elastica, under duress from his father. "It's pretty much what I do onstage anyway – stand up, make stupid noises, pull faces," says David. Enjoy.