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Sarah Kendall – 'I have the weak pulse of a dying gazelle'

Tuesday, July 31 2012

'In her opening blog, Aussie stand-up Sarah Kendall surveys the wild, wild plains of Edinburgh, and wonders which DVD she should watch instead


Sarah Kendall

















My first show in Edinburgh is one day away, and I am calm and serene. Like gazelles look when they’re cornered by a pride of lions, and one lion steps forward and sinks it’s teeth into the gazelle’s neck as the other lions move in and start eating it. Like the moment people describe when the aeroplane is in a vertical dive, and they lose all fear of pain and death. Like when motorcyclists swear that they were hovering above the scene of the accident, watching the emergency crew revive them. That kind of serenity.

I find that one of the most important decisions involved in doing the Edinburgh Festival is deciding which DVD box set to commit to. Last time I did Edinburgh, I had the pleasure of watching every episode of Arrested Development. It got me through the toughest part of the festival, which is roughly from about day 4 up until the last day. I fell in love with the Bluth family and kind of wished I were one of them (or at the very least, adopted into the family like Annyong). Here is my short list of potential candidates this year:

1. The Newsroom
I watched the pilot episode and really loved it, although I thought some of the comedy bits felt a bit clunky. I can forgive that. As long as at some point in the series, Jeff Daniels takes a massive dump on a non-functioning toilet.

2. Breaking Bad
No, I haven’t seen it yet. DON’T JUDGE ME. I’m gonna do something about it, I promise. It’s hard to get in on the action when it’s at the height of it’s hype. This happened to me with The Wire. I was enjoying it, but I felt like I wasn’t loving it enough. It was exactly like every crap relationship I’ve ever had.

3. Romanzo Criminale
Bet I spelt that wrong [she didn't – subEd]. It’s Italian. I’ve seen one episode, and it’s brilliant. Everyone is in flares, and I love flares. The entire cast looks like snapshots of my father at dinner parties in the 1970s.

So as you can see, I have some tough choices ahead of me. However, if anyone can make a hardnosed decision, it’s me. I am brave. I have steady, surgeon-like hands. I have the weak pulse of a dying gazelle. Edinburgh, here I come. And there had better be a comfortable couch in the flat I’m staying in. Because I intend to park my behind on it for most of the time I’m in the city that’s hosting the biggest arts festival in the world.



• Sarah Kendall – Get Up, Stand Up is on at 8:30pm at the Pleasance Courtyard

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