Ruffell, you're not gonna get far with your packing wearing them

The Edinburgh festival to me is when all the toiletries I have stolen form various hotels through out the year final get their big moment in the sun (shower). Some are very posh from nice hotels and some are sachets from the Travelodge, I will decide on which one to use depending on how my show goes that day. I will punish myself with bad hair. I will rank the shows in the same way I rank my friends high, medium or low.

Low – you are a friend of a friend, the jury is still out on you. 
Medium – we are mates, we will have a drink together but not a weekend away. High – I get a full-day invite to your wedding, with dinner.

But thats enough about how my brain works, luggage. 
I will take a range of smart jackets. These are both the most important and most difficult to pack items (because of creasing issues). 7 pairs of skinny jeans, 5 silk shirts, 10 knickers, 5 bras, 10 pairs of brand new socks (I like having new socks for a big gig, preferable with diamonds on) and 2 pairs of smart PJs (smart jammies are always a good look especially because I am living with other comics, who would never normally see my night-time outfits – my mother always says "it's nice to make an effort, always").

I imagine I will pack other things like shoes and a pac-a-mac. Last year I had to buy a pair of Doc Martins and a raincoat whilst I was there, but this year I am planning ahead of monsoon season. In the words of Kelis you can trick me once, I wont let you trick me twice ... Edinburgh.

I will also have a couple of bags of nerves, one of excitement and one of chocolate covered raisins. 
A travel scrabble, a pack of cards and a portable music system, my post-shower boogie is one of the highlights of the day.

• Suzi Ruffell – Let's Get Ready To Ruffell is on at 6pm at the Pleasance Courtyard