It's the only list you bloomin' need! In no particular order, so ignore the numbers ...

1) Hans Teeuwen (pictured) – Surreal, Dutch, unpredictable showman.

2) Greg Davies – Former We Are Klang/Inbetweeners giant making his Edinburg debut, and it's a belting show.

3) The Horne Section – Awesome addition to the late-night Edinburgh shows hosted by wonder Alex Horne, combining jazz and comedy. It's better than that sounds.

4) Paul Sinha – Brilliant stand-up who has another excellent, fully-formed show.

5) Pete Johansson – Top Canadian comic who is both super laid-back and opinionated.

6) Gary Delaney – One-liner merchant with a relentlessly excellent hour.

7) Alun Cochrane – A stalwart of The Stand club who turns the everyday into brilliant, very slightly grumpy, comedy.

8) Seann Walsh – A new star of the circuit who has rightly been compared to Dylan Moran, who is making his Fringe debut.

9) Golden Lizard – Oddball adventure story with elements of improv, starring Henry Paker and Mike Wozniak.

10) Josie Long – Indie comedy hero returns to the Fringe after a year off with a new show with lots of jokes, a call to arms, and an astronaut.

11) John-Luke Roberts – Inventive and erudite comic who writes for the BBC and is another debutant.

12) Jonny Sweet – Last year's Best Newcomer who will make a lecture on HMS Nottingham really funny.

13) Carl Donnelly – A no-frills, relaxed anecdote teller who's really funny, basically.

14) Colin Hoult – Ridiculously versatile character comic with some wickedly funny lines as well.

15) Laura Solon – Erm, a ridiculously versatile character comic with some wickedly funny lines as well. Won the Perrier in 2005.

16) Amusements – Two top young comics, affable anecdoter James Acaster and astute scruff Josh Widdicombe, do half an hour each. Free Fringe!

17) Stephen Carlin – A Glaswegian comic who's due a nomination for that award thingamy.

18) Bo Burnham – Prodigious American comic who is nailing stand-up and musical comedy despite being a frigging TEENAGER.

19) Dan Antopolski – Purveyor of gently weird comedy, raps about things like sandwiches and lasers, elements of geek, corking one-liners. A joy. Double Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee.

20) Andrew Lawrence – Another double Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee, speaks beautiful, fluent bile.

21) Jarred Christmas – Bombastic Kiwi, massive show-off, bloody funny.

22) Ivor Dembina – Elder statesmen of the London circuit with a very funny, poignant, personal show about the Middle East conflict.

23) Paul Foot – Raving storyteller who some will love, some will hate. Unique in a good way.

24) Two Episodes of Mash – Sketch comedy, but not like normal sketch comedy. No attention-seeking, not really endings, but somehow it works a treat.

25) Marcel Lucont – Brooding, softly spoken French character who commands the stage with glass of red and condescending scowl. Top gags too.

26) Pappy's – Sketch heroes return as a three-piece but with the larking genius in tact.

27) Lewis Schaffer – Outspoken and vulnerable New York comic Lewis Schaffer offends as many as he tickles. EiF is a fan.

28) Emo Phillips – A hero to many a comedian who made his name in the 80s with his unique, child-like delivery and wicked one-liners.

29) Norman Lovett – Famous for being in Red Dwarf but a wonderful stand-up too; gentle of pace, with hint of ramshackle and surreal.

30) John Moloney – A straight-up, deadpan gagsmith who's been mining the club circuit for 25 years.

31) Ronnie Golden – A veteran music/comedy act who performs like he is born for the stage. His debut Fringe solo show is "part rock masterclass, part autobiography, and part complete bollocks".

32) Showstopper! the Musical – An ensemble cast of improvisers/actors/comics weave a musical out of audience suggestions. Pretty bloody impressive.

33) Terry Alderton – A unique and unforgettable stand-up who battles onstage with his 'voices'.

34) Loretta Maine – Pippa Evans performs an hour of her potty-mouthed white trash country singer act.

35) John Hegley – A poet, comedian, Edinburgh regular and borderline lyrical genius.

36) Andy Zaltzman – Political comedy behemoth.

37) Arthur Smith – Wayward, witty, piss-taking comedy godfather.

38) Nina Conti – Makes ventriloquism really funny, which is no mean feat.

39) Simon Munnery – The cleverest man in the world and low-octane cult comedy hero has a show of material for the first time in a while.

40) Pete Firman – Brilliant comic/magician, nicely showbiz, always a great watch.

41) Comedy Countdown – Countdown off the telly, with comics. Fun and funny.

42) Tim Vine – Gag machine who's still got it.

43) Seymour Mace – Perhaps unfamiliar to London audiences but well-known to everyone else as a daft sod with upbeat shows. This year he's got two of them.

44) Tommy Tiernan – Charismatic Irish comic who mainly tackles the big ones (love, death, sex, religion etc).

45) Holly Burn – Barmy, lo-fi, high-energy Geordie who does bonkers but inspired characters.

46) Stewart Lee

47) Comedy in the Dark – Top comics perform in a show lit, just to mix things up a bit, but just two lightbulbs.

48) Sarah Millican – A Best Newcomer winner who's apparently got a belting show this year.

49)Robert White – Gifted, fidgety, compelling, tank-top wearing, musical, rapid-fire gag-machine.

50) Abandoman – Improvised hip-hop musical comedy party starters making their Edinburgh debut.

And not forgetting of course ... London is Funny Presents! (every day, 8pm, GRV just off Cowgate, £5).